I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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