I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
