The maid of honor just puked.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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