I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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