He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
