you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
