dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
