It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
