Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
