I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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