I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
