Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
