He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
