Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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