Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
