saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
