You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
