I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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