my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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