Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
