when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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