i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
