ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
