Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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