If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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