3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
