belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
