shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
