Pappa wants mamma naked
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
