I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
