dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
