My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
