My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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