remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
