Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
