What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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