so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
