He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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