Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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