highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
