I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
