The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
