i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
