remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've blown a few things in my day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
