Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
