Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
