I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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