In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
