The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
