woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
