i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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