i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
